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How to get kicked out of Wal-Mart (2).?

46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"
48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free… & see what happens
49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts
50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners
51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!
52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you’re doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you’re trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night
53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras
54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items… the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand
55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don’t give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face
56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by
57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken
59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That’s better"
60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"
61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name
62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters
63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans
64. Take all the CD’s put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again
65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you
66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!
67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing
68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There’s a dead body in aisle 3!!!"
69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head
70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"
71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!!"
72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say… sir or madam… don’t think that.
73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."
74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She’s horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.
75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song
76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store
77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead
78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you
79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles
80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff’s not poisonous."
81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down
82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham
83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags
84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle
85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions
86. Swing on the half price banners
87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you’re annoyed
88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty
89. Hold Barbie for ransom
90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen’s "We Will Rock You"
91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone’s cart
92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you’re talking to her by saying "Let’s bust this joint!"
93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I’M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"
94. Do your own radio show over the intercom
95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask
96. Glue
96. Glue pennies on the floor ‘heads’ side up
97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming ‘EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!
98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you
99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over
101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund
102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby
103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel…"
104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every ite

Are you a Real Man Of Genius?

are u any of these

Mr. Bass Plaque Maker
Mr. Bowling Shoe Giver Outer
Mr. Bumper Sticker Writer
Mr. Chinese Food Delivery Guy
Mr. Driving Range Ball Picker Upper
Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor
Mr. Foot Long Hot Dog Inventor
Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer
Mr. Garden Gnome Maker
Mr. Giant Foam Finger Maker
Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer
Mr. Inspirational Poster Writer
Mr. Jelly Donut Filler
Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter
Mr. Major League Infield Raker
Mr. Male Football Cheerleader
Mr. Outside the Stadium Peanut Seller
Mr. Parking Attendant Flashlight Waver
Mr. Pickled Pig’s Feet Eater
Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter
Mr. Pro Wrestling Wardrobe Designer
Mr. Professional Movie Extra Guy
Mr. Putt Putt Golf Course Designer
Mr. Really Bad Toupee Wearer
Mr. Supermarket Deli Meat Slicer
Mr. Underwear Inspector #12
Mr. Wrecking Ball Operator
Mr. All You Can Eat Buffet Inventor
Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker
Mr. Company Computer Guy
Mr. Edible Underwear Maker
Mr. Experimental Medications Tester
Mr. Golf Ball Washer Inventor
Mr. Hockey Organ Player
Mr. Horsedrawn Carriage Driver
Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer
Mr. Nudist Colony Activity Coordinator
Mr. Professional Figure Skater
Mr. Professional Movie Extra Guy
Mr. Renaissance Fair Performer
Mr. Restroom Toilet Paper Re-Filler
Mr. Supermarket Free Sample Guy
Mr. Wedding Band Guitar Player
Mr. Airport Baggage Handler
Mr. Athletic Groin Protector Inventor
Mr. Beach Metal Detector Guy
Mr. Boombox Carrying Rollerskater
Mr. Centerfold Retoucher
Mr. Fancy Coffee Shop Coffee Pourer
Mr. Fancy Restaurant Valet Guy
Mr. Giant Inflatable Pink Gorilla Maker
Mr. Giant Taco Salad Inventor
Mr. Handlebar Mustache Wearer
Mr. Hollywood Plastic Surgeon
Mr. Parade Float Driver
Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer
Mr. Souvenir Snow Globe Maker
Mr. Sports Fan Face Painter
Mr. Tiny Thong Bikini Wearer
Mr. Tuxedo Shop Tux Renter
Mr. Used Car Lot Auto Salesman
Mr. Airline Meal Chef
Mr. Art School Model Guy
Mr. Baseball Designated Hitter
Mr. Books on Tape Inventor
Mr. Cargo Pants Designer
Mr. Civil War Battle Re-Enactor
Mr. Cruise Ship Entertainer
Mr. Discount Suit Salesman
Mr. Dishonest Cable TV Hooker Upper
Mr. Furniture Assembly Manual Writer
Mr. Giant Pocket Knife Inventor
Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler (TV)
Mr. Homemade Pontoon Boat Maker
Mr. In the Car Nose Picker
Mr. Major Highway Line Painter
Mr. Movie Theater Ticket Ripper Upper
Mr. Multi Colored Sweater Wearer
Mr. Next Day Carpet Installer
Mr. Pet Toy Designer
Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy
Mr. Push Up Bra Inventor
Mr. Really Big Pet Snake Owner
Mr. Really Large Body Building Guy
Mr. Really Stinky Breath Breather Outer
Mr. Really, Really, Really Bad Dancer
Mr. Street Lamp Bulb Screwer-Inner
Mr. Way Too Much Cologne Wearer
Mr. Accordion Player Guy
Mr. Adult Film Movie Actor Guy
Mr. Animal Husbandry Expert
Mr. Bathroom Stall Dirty Joke Writer
Mr. Clip on Tie Inventor
Mr. Discount Airline Pilot Guy
Mr. Doctor Tree Surgeon
Mr. Excited About Storms Weatherman
Mr. Extra, Extra Strong Glue Maker
Mr. Gangsta Rapper Posse Member
Mr. Gas Station Sandwich Maker
Mr. Ghetto Car Driver
Mr. Guy Wearing a Poncho
Mr. High Protein Diet Guy
Mr. Hot Stock Tip Advice Giver Outer
Mr. In the Park Cartoonist
Mr. Miniature Train Modeler
Mr. Motorcycle Side Car Rider
Mr. New Shoe Tissue Paper Stuffer
Mr. Over The Top Carb Counter
Mr. Oversized Fanny Pack Wearer
Mr. Personal Space Invader
Mr. Portable Toilet Cleaner-Outer
Mr. Reality TV Show Star
Mr. Really, Really Tight Jean wearer
Mr. Restaurant Food Critic Guy
Mr. Tiny Dog Clothing Manufacturer
Mr. Warehouse Shopping Club Member
Mr. Way too Much Team Clothes Wearer
Mr. "Kiss Me I’m Irish" Pin Wearer
Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer
Mr. After Halloween Costume Shop Salesman
Mr. Backyard Bug Zapper Inventor
Mr. Basketball Court Sweat Wiper Upper
Mr. Ceremonial First Pitch Thrower Outer
Mr. Department Store Mannequin Dresser Upper
Mr. Egg Nog Inventor
Mr. Electric Carving Knife Inventor
Mr. Frozen Turkey Helpline Guy
Mr. Gasoline BBQ Starter
Mr. Humongous Pumpkin Grower Guy
Mr. Jean Shorts (JORTS) Inventor
Mr. King of the Karaoke Mic
Mr. Labor Day Inventor
Mr. Las Vegas Trip Taker
Mr. Law Enforcement Cavity Searcher
Mr. Mail-Order Bride Orderer
Mr. Moped Souper-Upper
Mr. Nosebleed Section Ticket Holder Guy
Mr. Overzealous Foul Ball Catcher
Mr. Paranoid of the Ocean Guy
Mr. Supermarket Produce Putter Outer
Mr. Apartment Next to the L Tracks Guy
Mr. Artificial Tree Maker
Mr. Boneless Buffalo Wing Inventor
Mr. Cell Phone Holster Wearer
Mr. Enormous SUV Driver
Mr. Exotic Cowboy Boot Wearer
Mr. Fantasy Football Manager Guy
Mr. Hair Gel Over-Geller
Mr. Half-Time Shooting Contest Contestant
Mr. Holiday Gift Regifter Guy
Mr. Hot-Dog-Eating-Contes

Witch is the funniest to you?

Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!

Yo momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink!

Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was, "Illegitiment" because she couldn't read.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid that under, "Education," on her job application, she put, "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she watches, "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

Yo momma so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hourr virus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper .

Yo momma so stupid she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said "Disney World – Left" so she went home.

Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said, "Guess" so she said, "Levi's."

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to h
I wanna add these…

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday
Yo momma so dumb she used a deodorant spray as anair freshener.
Yo momma so dumb she used a deodorant spray as an air freshener
Yo momma so dumb she used a deodorant spray as an air freshener

yo mama jokes?

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours…for a quote!

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're afraid of her face!!

Yo momma so ugly that her face will make a freight train take a dirt road!

Yo momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life.

Yo momma so ugly, she walked into taco bell and they all ran for the border!

Yo momma so ugly people go ask her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

elvis alive?

The only time I feel alive… is when I'm in front of my audience, my people. That's the only time I really feel like I'm human."

"Long after I'm gone, what I did today will be heard by someone. I just want them to get the best of what I had." (Elvis Presley)

Is Elvis Alive ?

There are many reasons to believe that Elvis Presley is dead. When the only arguments to believe otherwise come from crazed fans and supermarket tabloids, it is easy to dismiss the possibility that Elvis is still among us. However, the circumstances surrounding Elvis' alleged death are quite mysterious and beg closer attention. As it turns out, there are many concrete reasons to believe that Elvis is still alive.

The Gravesite.
Elvis' name is misspelled on his headstone. Elvis' full name is Elvis Aron Presley, but on his grave his middle name is spelled incorrectly with two a's. His father would not have let this happen. When Elvis was born, his name was misspelled on his birth certificate, and his father went to great lengths to get it put right. The unique spelling of Elvis' name was important to his family.

Elvis' current "resting place" is in between his father and his grandmother and not next to his mother where he had adamantly requested. It is doubtful that the people close to him would allow these things to happen. Elvis is a superstitious man, enough so that he wouldn't tempt fate by putting his real name on a tombstone, or violate the ground next to his mother until he was ready to be placed there for good.

Death Certificate.
Elvis was very vain, and he was embarrassed about his recent weight gain, an astonishing 50 pounds in the month before his so-called death. Even though he weighed about 250 pounds at the time of his "death," his death certificate lists him at a spry 170 pounds. The original death certificate disappeared, and the current death certificate is dated two months after his alleged death.

The Wax Body Theory.
This argument is very convincing when the facts are considered. Elvis' coffin required several pall bearers because it weighed 900 pounds. Attendants of the funeral reported that the air around the coffin was rather cool. It is suspected that the coffin contained an air conditioning unit to keep a wax body cool, a wax body that was a replica of Elvis designed to fool funeral-goers. And how did the Presley family get a 900 pound, custom made coffin ready for a funeral that was held on the day after his death? It takes a lot of time to build such an elaborate coffin.

And why was the funeral so quickly? Some say that the immediacy was intended to make it as difficult as possible for the people who were Elvis' biggest fans to attend the proceedings. It could be a concern that they might recognize the flaws in the wax replica.

Elvis was an 8th degree black belt whose hands were rough with calluses, yet the body in the coffin had hands that were soft and pudgy. The body in the coffin had a pug nose and arched eyebrows {unlike Elvis} and most importantly, one of the sideburns on the "corpse" was loose and falling off. A hairdresser later reported gluing the sideburn back on the body.

Unusual Behavior.
Two hours after Elvis' death was announced publicly, a man who reportedly looked remarkably like Elvis purchased a ticket for Buenos Aeries, paid in cash, and used the name John Burrows: the same name Elvis had used as an alias several times before.

Elvis had a few books that were considered to be his most prized possessions. He had a bible, several pharmaceutical books, books on death, and most importantly Chiro's Book of Numbers and The Autobiography of Yogi which I will explain more about later. After Elvis's death was announced, these books disappeared and were never recovered.

In the weeks preceding his alleged death, Elvis' actions were not those of a man who was about to embark on an extensive US tour. He ordered no new suits despite having gained 50 pounds since his last tour, and he bid "adios" at his last show in Hawaii. He had never done this before. Adios, like the French adieu, has the significance of being a final good-bye as opposed to an "I'll be seeing you on my next tour" kind of good-bye.

Others were intrigued by Elvis' decision to sign a lucrative TV deal with NBC that would cover the tour. It was unprecedented for a network to pay such a large amount up front, in cash, for such a deal. Many wonder why Elvis even agreed to the deal since his vanity discouraged him from making public appearances due to his weight gain.

RCA showed uncanny and unbelievable foresight by mass producing millions of Elvis' current and previous recordings and merchandise. This is standard practice for an act that is about to go on tour, but the numbers in this case were beyond reasonable expectations. The announcement of Elvis' death caused record sales to skyrocket.

Elvis did other unusual things that created suspicion. First, he fired several employees that he had relied upon for a long time. Also, two days before his alleged death, Elvis telephoned a friend of his named Miss Foster. He told her that he wasn't planning on going on the upcoming tour. She asked him if he had canceled it, and he said that he had not. When she asked if he was ill, he said that he was fine, and that she should not ask any more questions or tell anyone anything, and that she should not believe anything she read. He told her that his troubles would all soon be over, and that he would call her in a few weeks. The author of Elvis Where Are You? writes that Miss Foster took a polygraph test regarding this story, and that she was not lying.

The day after Elvis' alleged death, a woman named Lucy De Barbon, a former lover of Elvis, received a single rose in the mail. The card indicated that the flower was from "El Lancelot." This had been her pet name for Elvis, and it was a name that no one else knew. Flowers can't be sent from beyond the grave. This was Elvis' way of letting her know that he was not dead, even though he didn't want to be found.

Chiro's Book of Numbers.
Elvis had a fascination with numerology, an interest he fed by reading Chiro's Book of Numbers. The theory that Elvis orchestrated his death is further supported when considering the significance of the date of his alleged death. The date in question is August 16, 1977. By adding the numbers in the date, 8, 16, and 1977, you get 2001. This is the title of Elvis' favorite movie in which the hero plans his immortality in the bathroom. Elvis spent a considerable amount of time doing the same: planning his afterlife on the toilet.. Elvis spent so much time in the bathroom that he had his toilet converted into a reclining comfy chair. Coincidentally, the bathroom is also where Elvis' body was reportedly found.

Given Elvis' religious beliefs, he had a fascination with things that come in threes, for example, father, son, and holy ghost. The sum of the digits from his favorite film (2+0+0+1) is three. Let's consider the triad of the repetition of the number 24. 2001 (favorite film) less 1977 (year of death) is 24. The two numbers from the day of death (8/16) when added up equal 24. The sum of the digits in the year of death (1+9+7+7) also equals 24. That is 3 occurrences of the number 24 which is divisible by 3, and when divided by three the result, 8 has a perfect cubed root (2x2x2=8).

Elvis loved numerology, and when you consider the numeric significance of the date of his alleged death, it is clear that if indeed he did plan to fake his death, he could not have chosen a better date.

Reason
Elvis had many reasons to fake his death.It has been said that Elvis' life was in danger. He had recently lost ,000,000 in an airplane/real estate deal with a California based organization called the "Fraternity" that had links to the Mafia. It is speculated that he corroborated with the government to expose the organized crime ring in exchange for protection, perhaps in the form of a new life and identity compliments of the Witness Protection Program.

Elvis was a prisoner of his own fame. He had many other reasons to leave his life behind. Because of his incredible popularity he recieved several death threats, and he was concerned about the safety of his ex-wife and daughter. Sometimes when he wanted to leave Graceland he would send look-alikes out to distract would be followers. Elvis was also known to ride in the trunk of someone else's car to avoid being seen. Once, when he fell ill in Las Vegas, he couldn't get proper medical attention because the hospital was overwhelmed by fans.

At the time of his alleged death, Elvis thought he was nearing the end of his career. He saw his self as 42 with greying hair, overweight, and he thought his voice was starting to weaken,. He was going down hill, and he was too proud to go out with a whimper. He would never want his fans to see him in such an unhealthy condition.

Elvis had shown a fascination with death on several occasions. In the days leading up to his alleged death he was reported to have visited funeral homes at odd hours of the night with close friends. Was he doing research? Elvis once faked his death by setting up an elaborate shooting in which a would be killer fired blanks at Elvis who had a blood pack which he discharged. It was Elvis' intention to see how the people closest to him would react to his death. Perhaps what he learned convinced him to do it for real.

Finally, one of Elvis' favorite books is the spiritual Autobiography of Yogi. One of the central themes of this book is the relinquishing of one's wealth and earthly possessions to achieve spiritual oneness. Elvis could do this, as well as address his other concerns of sanity and safety by faking his death and living in exile.

Means.
Elvis had the means to fake his own death. He is accused of destroying himself with drugs. In reality, Elvis was a pharmaceutical expert. He took a lot of drugs, but he knew what he was doing and was extremely careful. He knew what drugs he could self-administer to create a deathlike state. Also Elvis' experience with the martial arts was such that he could slow his heart rate and breathing in order to feign death.

Elvis' manager, Colonel Tom Parker, had once created a new identity for himself. He came to America as an illegal immigrant from Holland, but through various connections managed to create a new identity complete with a passport, birth certificate, drivers license, and social security number. He would have known how to give Elvis a second life.

Aswell as Elvis' ties to the government through his testimony against the "Fraternity", Elvis was known to interact with the President of the United States. He was reported in government documents to use the name John Burrows as an alias when he wanted to travel. Some people believe that Elvis worked for the government as a drug agent. He did, after all have extensive contact with many people in the music business who, as we know, tend to dabble in illegal substances. And, of course, we must allow that Elvis' connections to the government gave him access to the Witness Protection Program. If they can turn the Simpsons into the Thompsons, they can relocate anybody.

Orion?
Many believe that Elvis couldn't have given up performing completely. Just imagine, after a while the desire to perform would grow once he started his life in exile. The story of Orion supports the theory that Elvis attempted a secret comeback.

Shortly after Elvis' alleged death, a masked singer by the name of Orion emerged on the scene. He was big like Elvis, and he sang just like Elvis. Because of the mask no one could tell his true identity. One fan described seeing Orion from near the stage. She claims that Orion left the stage between songs, and when he appeared moments later the sweat was gone from his armpits and back and she thought that his costume looked slightly different. After the song he left the stage, and the original Orion returned.

Another fan described how she rushed into a tour bus at an Orion show only to see two Orions in the back of the bus. She claimed that one ducked into the bathroom before she could get a good look at him, but he appeared to look like Elvis Presley.

What's even more remarkable is the fictional story called Orion that was written by Gail Brewer-Georgio about a legendary performer who had several identities and wanted to fake his death. The story was written and submitted to the William Morris Agency for publication consideration after Elvis' alleged death and before the real Orion ever performed. As it turns out, there are many ways in which the real Orion mimicked the events as described in the book. For example, the performers' managers had the same name. Also, without knowing it, Brewer-Georgio wrote of events in Orion that had actually taken place in Elvis' life. It was a case of life imitating art.

Picking up the Pieces.
In 1981, 20/20 did an investigation into the circumstances surrounding the alleged death of Elvis Presley. The investigative report was very convincing. Oddly enough, within two weeks of the report, the singer, Orion, disappeared and was never heard from again. The book, Orion disappeared from shelves across the country. It had been recalled by the publisher which was associated with the William Morris Agency. Incidentally, the William Morris Agency is the same agency that represented Elvis.

It seems that Elvis Presley is worth more dead than alive. By faking his death and relocating with a new identity he is safe from his fans and the "Fraternity", the government can make a solid case against the organized crime ring, and RCA, Elvis' family, and Elvis' management can all reap immense financial benefits from the attention. That is… except for one benefit….after nearly 25 years no one has collected on his life insurance policy.

Why ?????

During his last concert tour in 1977, Elvis spoke of "not looking good tonight", but, he would look good in his coffin. He made comments of being tired of living as he was and how it was going to change. He told of how he would like to be just himself instead of an "image".

On August 16th 1977, at 8:00 A.M., Elvis told Ginger Alden that he was going into the bathroom to read. (This bathroom/lounge had it's own back entrance.) For the next six hours no one saw him. Elvis signed for a special delivery letter at 9:30 A.M. At 2:00 P.M. Ginger Alden found the apparent body of Elvis lying on the floor in front of his chair, where he had been reading. She called Al Strada who in turn called Joe Esposito. George Nichopoulous (aka Dr. Nick) was then telephoned. Joe called the fire department, unit 6. The ambulance arrived at Graceland at 2:33 P.M. Paramedics administered CPR, despite rigor mortis. The body was taken to Baptist Memorial Hospital at 2:48 P.M. By 3:00 P.M. Elvis' family members and friends were informed of his "death". Public announcement was given at 3:30 P.M.

August 17th, the body was brought back to Graceland for family viewing. The public viewing was from 3:00 P.M. to 6:30 P.M. On August 18th,1977. Tennesse Governor Ray Blanton ordered flags to be flown at half-mast for the duration of the funeral procession. At midday the Graceland gates swung open, a white Cadillac hurse rolled through them, followed by sixteen white Cadillac limousines.

QUESTIONS BEGIN
How could it take twenty minutes for paramedics to drive sixteen blocks to Graceland if the call came in at 2:33 P.M.? The Medical Examiner's Report states that the body was found with rigor mortis, while the police report states "unconcious". Why would anyone try to give CPR to a rigor mortised body ? The ME report listed the body as weighing 80 pounds lighter then Elvis' actual weight. How could Elvis have passed a physical exam just prior to August 16th if his heart was so enlarged ? How could he have played raquetball for several hours on August 16th, just before his "death" ?

ABC's 1979 program on the cover up of Elvis' death stated that all the stomach contents were destroyed. Bill Burkin in his book Elvis World states that officials at Babtist Memorial Hospital had assured him that the stomach contents had been shipped to a California lab to be examined and then on to a lab in Utah, and then ? There are rumors of Elvis' "death" being caused by a heart attack, drug overdose, suffocation in carpeting, suicide and even cancer ! Persons in attendance at Graceland at the time of "death" don't agree on the color of pajamas Elvis was wearing or the posistion of the body.

Why did Vernon ask many people NOT to attend the funeral but to come a week later ? Why did Vernon refuse to accept the flag which is usually given to dead war veterans ? Why didn't Elvis have any new jumpsuits made during 1977 ? The handwriting on the death certificate matched Elvis' own writing !

Elvis was very aware of which presribed drugs did not mix well with others. Elvis had glaucoma, and Dexedrine, a drug not to be taken with that condition, was listed as being in his system. Who would prescribe it and why would he take it ? Whose body was autopsied ? Funeral homes don't usually keep solid copper coffins in stock. These coffins weigh in the area of 300 pounds and usually take two months to receive once ordered. This coffin seemed to have been ready.
Monte Nicholson, a nineteen year veteran of the Los Angeles Sheriffs Department, wrote a novel called The Presley Arrangement. This novel tells the story of a body that is autopsied, a man resembling Elvis. The man had died of cancer. The body is later returned for private burial, to the man's own family. The man's family are paid to remain silent about the incident. Nicholson explains a government connection. In a 1989 radio interview Nicholson said that even if he knew there was an FBI connection and was told not to say anything, he COULD NOT say. Nicholson also claimed that if he knew the answer to the question, and says he does, he will not disclose his knowledge. He said that if Elvis is alive that his book is pretty close to the truth of what REALLY happened.

Was Elvis a DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) agent ? Elvis can be seen wearing a DEA Staff jacket in several photographs, including one taken in June of 1977, approximately six weeks before his "death". Also Elvis was wearing a jogging suit with the DEA logo on it during the early morning hours of August 16th 1977.
When Elvis met with President Richard Nixon he said he had been "studying" the drug culture for over 10 years, he could get into any culture group and be accepted. Elvis said he had gotten alot from the country and he wanted to repay in some way. It would have been a dangerous job and one that an entertainer such as Elvis would not have HAD to do unless he chose to. Many DEA agents pose as "drug users" and "pushers" in their undercover work. Elvis could get to anyone if he appeared to be a "user". In the book Elvis: What Happened? one of the guys wondered if Elvis was ever as whacked out as he seemed to be. Maybe he is a "great" actor after all. Perhaps he deserves an "Oscar".

Death threats were issued against Elvis and his family. Those who had leveled those threats had actually broken into Graceland. At times, the FBI were called. Deputy Narcotics Director John Finlator arranged for Elvis to come to his office under the name of John Burrows. Finlator didn't want to give Elvis a badge but the President reversed the decision.

On December 21st of 1970, Elvis met with President Richard Nixon in the oval office, Washington, D.C. Elvis had written a letter requesting a meeting and expressed his concerns about the drug culture, hippie elements, the SDS and other groups who were against the establishment. When Finlator finally gave Elvis the badge and promised to issue him consultant credentials, Elvis was overcome with emotion and his eyes became misty. Ten days later he met with the FBI. On the same day, President Nixon wrote Elvis a thank you. Elvis wrote to the President and said, "I can and will do more good, if I were made a Federal Agent at large, and I will help out by doing it my way."

Elvis was known to be in his bedroom for weeks, seeing no one. (There was a back staircase at Graceland.) Elvis could sneak out whenever he needed to.
Department of the Treasury-Bob Pritchett says that during the years of '74, '75, and '76 "Mr. Presley provided one of our undercover agents, who was a musician, a job cover. Undercover agents appear to have other occupations. None of Elvis' group of friends knew of this agent and the role he played in setting up his cover. Since he had an undercover agent in his group from '74-'76, when did he find time to use drugs himself? Elvis was very good at keeping secrets and living a "double life".

Elvis spoke with President Carter two weeks before his death. It involved aid to a friend. On August 16, 1977, President Carter issued this tribute:
"Elvis Presley's death deprives our country of a part of itself. He was unique and irreplaceable. More than twenty years ago he burst upon the scene with an impact that was unprecedented and will probably never be equaled. His music and his personality, fusing the styles of white country and black rhythm and blues, permanently changed the face of American popular culture. His following was immense and he was a symbol of good humor of his country."
This was a formal statement, when a celebrity's death is usually only commented on. He had spoken to Nixon and Carter both shortly before the day he died.
In the September 1988 issue of American Karate magazine, Ed Parker tells of a time when a terrorist group threatened Elvis' life to make him an example of how they could get to famous people. They threatened to plant a bomb in one of the gifts offered to Elvis at a concert. This was a threat as long as he was "alive", and his family were targets also.
Elvis always had law enforcement officials around him. John O'Grady, who was earlier in charge of NARC Divisions of the LAPD, was one of them. He also hired Dick Grob, a former sargeant with the Palm Springs Police. He was surrounded by at least two lawmen in top security positions. Elvis was in danger. The "hoax" may have been the only way out! History will prove Elvis to be an American hero beyond being an American entertainer.

SIGHTINGS
With all the Elvis lookalikes, he could actually walk around using disguises and get away with it. Who would be looking for him anyway, when he is supposedly dead? Before 1977, there was an "Elvis lookalike, sound alike" at a Memphis theatre. Elvis put on his best "Elvis outfit", strolled in and mingled with the clones, doing his best "Hey, baby". Afterwards, he came back to Graceland laughing. He tried out and lost!
Elvis and his mother's bodies were moved to the Meditation Gardens for burial, after three men tried to break into the crypt. Graceland was rezoned to permit burials at the estate. In the 1989 Orion's "Farewell to the King", the King says "I died once. I had to be willing to give up everything, even the will to live." The last recording session at Graceland was The Last Farewell.
There have been many sightings at various places including Graceland. There are some escape routes at Graceland that people don't know about.
In a syndicated newspaper across the nation on June 5, 1990, an article headlined "Elvis Lives, At Least On Census Form." The Census Bureau reported in 1990 that Elvis returned a questionaire to the bureau office in Huntsville, Alabama. It was noticed by census workers who were screening forms for completednesss.
Late Night with Ross Shafer (August 1988) had a survey that showed that out of 30,000 people polled, approximately 84% believe Elvis is alive.

On Monday, August 22, 1988, Harold Schuitmaker, in an item of the Detroit News, said "Elvis is Alive and Living in Kalamazoo." Schuitmaker was a well known Michigan politician and resident of Paw Paw (15 miles from Kalamazoo).
The masked singer Orion was at the McMinnville Civic Center and a fan said that she felt that the man onstage and the one who signed autographs were different people. People have reported that someone sounding like Elvis called them on the phone and some hung up because they couldn't believe it.
A book titled Elvis: Where Are You? came out of Wilton Manors, Florida around August, 1982 under the name of Al Jefferies. The premise of the book was that Elvis hoaxed his death. Kelly Burgess, a former assistant editor and feature writer with the Detroit News, claimed to have seen Elvis in Kalamazoo, Michigan. She is not living now.
In 1988, Heartbreak Hotel starred David Keith as Elvis. (The film had the support of EP Enterprises.) A soundtrack album thanked Jerry Schilling and a special thanks to J.B.
In 1987's Robo Cop, a cop is killed, but didn't die. He returns as Robo Cop-a superman hero. It was filmed in Michigan. During that time radio stations got calls from a man sounding like Elvis Presley. There have been lots of sightings there and it was also on his final concert tour. Is this possibly a "message" film?
March 18, 1990, an article on Robo Cop, in the Detroit News told of Robo Cop speaking to a Boys and Girls club against drugs. It was a three month long anti-drug campaign organized by the FBI, Orion Home Video of New York, and the Boys Club of America. This Robo Cop was not the same actor as in the movie-his true identity was not revealed. he was a special agent helping the FBI fight the war on drugs. His suit was bullet-proof. During filming, some people saw a man looking like an older Elvis.
In Mac and Me, a film from 1988, a young alien is lost and at the end the family drives away in an old pink Cadillac convertible. A balloon caption says "We'll be back". The sound track is on Curb Records, which is the same label as "Spelling on the Stone". There were some song lyrics which were: "Tired of being myself, being different from everyone else, somehow you knew I needed your help, be my friend forever. I never found my star in the night; living my dream was far from sight." There was a scene in the movie where Eric asks Debbie "Why didn't you tell him that you saw him (the alien)?" She says, "Because no one would believe me."
Elvis has become a mythic figure, and there have been frequent rumors that he is still alive. Elvis remains the single most influential and respected figure in the history of Rock music. Elvis was the first Rock/Pop singer to have a single record sell a million copies, the first to go platinum with an album in less than two weeks, the first singer to pre-sell a million records before it's release, the first entertainer to earn a million dollars for one concert performance, and the first young, white, southern male to bring international attention to the importance of black rhythm and blues. He was the first singer to get a million dollar screen contract. He was the first music personality to have a TV performance broadcast worldwide via satellite.
In 1993, he became the first rock'n'roll star whose picture appeared on a commemorative U.S. Postal stamp (the largest stamp printing in history). Elvis is a landmark in almost everyone's life, going back to distant memories of watching him above the waist on Ed Sullivan or hearing "Hound Dog" for the first time. His image continues to mesmerize: witness the appearance of 200 Elvis impersonators at Liberty Weekend in 1986.
There was a time when he was merely the most popular entertainer in history. He is more than that now. He is a symbol of America as recognizable as the flag. Elvis opened the 'window of his soul' to his fans all over the world.

Thank you, Elvis! Remember you are always on our minds. "TCB FOREVER!

Any Comments on this ? E-mail Me
i found this on the internet weird

Any more Yo mama jokes left to share?

·Yo Mama is so stupid, she thinks Limp Bizkit is a medical condition.
Yo mama's so dumb, she thought masturbation was a karate teacher
Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a ribbed condom was soul food.
Yo' mama so dumb, when she filled out her job application and it said ‘sex,’ she wrote “not lately.”
Yo' mama so dumb, she failed a pregnancy test!
Yo' Mama is so fat, her *** looks like two pigs fighting over milk duds
YO mama is soooo stupid she thought menopause was a button on the vcr
yo mama is so stupid she brought a spoon to the superbowl
Yo momma's so fat she fell in love and broke it

Yo momma's so fat she got a restraining order from the fridge

Yo momma's so fat she stepped on the scale and it said, "to be continued"

Yo momma's so fat she stepped on the scale and it said "one person at a time, please"

Yo momma's so fat she got a sock on each toe

Yo momma's so fat she can hear bacon cooking in Canada

Yo momma's so poor, I saw her kicking a box on the street, asked her what she was doing, and she said she was
Moving
Yo mama's so old… she farts dust
Yo mama so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her…

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo Mama so stupid, I told her to buy a color TV, she came back and said "what color?"

Yo Mama so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go.

Yo Mama so stupid, she gave birth to you.

Yo Mama so stupid, she needs twice as much sense to be a half-wit.

Yo Mama so stupid, when the pc said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the Any key.

Yo Mama so stupid, she spent twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said `concentrate.

Yo Mama so stupid, I put a Scratch-N'-Sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool and she drowned.

Yo Mama so stupid, she was on the corner with a sign that said "Will eat for food."

Yo Mama so stupid, she got on an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.

Yo Mama so stupid, she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer.

Yo Mama so stupid, she got locked in a meat locker and sweat to death.

Yo Mama so stupid, she leaves the house for the Home Shopping Network.

Yo Mama so stupid, she saw a billboard that said "Dodge Trucks" and she started ducking through traffic.

Yo Mama so stupid, she got locked out of a convertible car with the top down.

Yo Mama so stupid, when she messed up on the computer and tried to fix it with whiteout.

Yo Mama so stupid, she saw a sign that said caution wet floor, she peed.

Yo Mama so stupid, if she goit a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.

Yo Mama so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up.
· Yo mama's so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone!

Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear!

Yo mama's mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound!

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

Yo mama's so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared!

Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!

Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!

Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama's so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!

Yo mama's so greasy companies buy their Oil from her!

Yo mama's so flat she's jealous of the wall!

Yo mama's so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama's so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning!

Yo mama's so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs!

Yo mama's so bald you can see whats on her mind!

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower

Yo mama so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Wow, is it Halloween already?”

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!

Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!

Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!

Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects!

Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

You see we placed my dog into a program to find a good home, because I had to move off to college (last fall) and my mom couldnt take care of her, she was in an accident and was going through surgeries.
Her name is AnnaBelle, she is a purebred yellow Lab she is 3 yrs old 4 in feb and should be in the south Florida area I think around Boca although I am from Palm Beach.
My mom lost the number and the email to the guy we gave her to

here is her puppy profile, unfortunatly I can not find her older picture in her star wars costume.

http://www.petster.com/cgi/profile.cgi?profile_id=22090&pet_id=18820

I miss her dearly and there isnt a day that I dont think of her any help in finding my best friend please feel free to contact me immapayne1280@hotmail.com

ty Heather